too anxious to

I'm bipolar. 
Sometimes I'm manic and I'm too anxious to hang out with my friends.
I'm too anxious to write in my blog.
I only do what's required of me, and then I spend the rest of my time lost in anxiety.
Moments I am able to work out, or paint, or read my self help books. I feel strong for such small amounts of time, but they fade.
Somehow work is separate. Somehow I am still functioning. I suppose I must be grateful of that.
I'm manic a lot lately. I'm not sure if I'm just triggered by the fear of buying my first home, or if it's something else, or maybe there is no reason....maybe I still haven't wanted to accept I'm bipolar. It's easier to say it, but not to believe it's true. I am strong, I am smart, I am not able to control my own thoughts.
Not exactly my favorite realization. I am always getting better, but right now I've just been too anxious to do anything.