Six years ago today, I thought I had my dream job. I was going to be the Associate Producer of a television series about zombies. I did get hired for the position, but some things just don't work out as planned.
I had just gotten off of work, and was checking my emails, websites, and voice mails as usual. It was a routine I'd gotten into the swing of. Running the zombie walk, a Youtube channel, making music, and working full time could take up a lot more time than originally expected. As I scrolled through my gmail account I noticed an email from the television producer I'd met two weeks ago. He created a few well known tv shows and worked on many others.
When I met this producer two weeks ago we hardly had much time to talk. The first time I met him I was wrangling up my zombies, elves, and getting everything set up for the parade. I will include a photo because it may truly be worth a thousand words. I shook his hand and as the next person came to introduce themselves I excused myself and ran around collecting whatever was needed. This was our first parade, our "Hello there" to our city, and we were taking a major risk. We kept the zombies in a cage in the back of a truck, and the elves were security keeping the zombies in check with nerf guns. I was excited about how successful it was, but unfortunately I didn't get another chance to chat with the producer.
The next day I had a million things to do to prepare for zombie bowling. That included making sure the newspapers would be at the event, because the producer was coming to take photos of zombies for an up and coming project he was working on. Everyone was excited! A room full of ripped flesh, and sticky corn syrup blood made variations of groans and shambles as they attempted to impress the producer. I wanted to have time for that, but I didn't I had too much other stuff to do. I was running games, talking to volunteers, being interviewed, answering questions, taking pictures, and making sure everyone was being safe. The next day I sent a follow up email to apologize for not having much time. I then sent him my zombie videos and short movie as well as head shots of me in multiple zombie costumes. I was hoping to get the opportunity to act in his show.
That's how I got to that point, of sitting there at the computer about to open an email that was going to tell me something I wasn't expecting. When I began to read the email I started to think it was a rejection letter. Then as I continued to read I realized that I was being offered a different opportunity! I was being asked to be an Associate Producer, and work in television! This could be the big break I've always wanted! It would also involve zombies! This is my dream come true! I began working on casting sessions, and we had real potential actors. I quit smoking because I knew that I'd be working long days without breaks. I was ready to make this plunge into a major opportunity. Unfortunately life doesn't always go the way you plan. Each episode would be beyond our budget. When it seemed things were slowing to a halt I was also dealing with my own personal issues and a major breakup. I decided to move to Florida. After that they did try to get the funding by creating a promo video and I wasn't able to help. I found that hard to digest, like I'd made a mistake in leaving and not seeing it through. They never got the funding, and while many zombie movies and shows have become major I still imagine what might've been.
Six years ago I thought I had my dream job and after that I've had a crippling fear of failing. I want to conquer my fears and make videos again.