poetic like

I'm caught in my head and I cant get out
I'm stuck running, back and forth, pounding on the walls
Breathing heavy, crying, exhausted
I'm melting. 
I am not okay.
I'm not ever really okay.
I'm only a better actress than I realized.
Stuck on repeat, going through the motions
I'm a tattered rug to walk upon
covered in mud
left outside in the rain
I weep for all the thoughts I ponder
an empathetic cry baby
wailing in the rocking chair 
flying forwards, backwards, psychoticaly
I want my mom, or to be in that lifetime 
where a mother was equivalent to a superhero
now years later I gasp for air
as I attempt to keep treading water
just tired enough to say I'm living
but not completely mean it.