Sometimes I feel like I lost my mind somewhere, the way someone loses their keys.
Like one day I can just pick it up where ever I left it and everything will go back to normal. I know that'll never be the case. It's just nice to have hope.
Therapists will say things like, "you're not crazy" but they haven't even had the opportunity to get to know me yet. Stop saying regurgitated nonsense and find out first. Maybe I'm really not, but how would you know!?!
Why is it when they ask me to tell them about myself that I sway straight to the negative things that impacted my life. Is that because that's what I think I need help with? Or is it because my mind is blocked by negativity?
Why does my boyfriend find it funny to trigger my anger? He says it saves people I have to deal with all day. I think it ruins me. Other people I have to deal with don't purposely annoy me so much. On non bad days I suppose I laugh and annoy him back though, so am I just overreacting?
Sometimes when I hear noises while I'm in a low it drives me to feel like I'm spiraling downward. Sounds like, my dog growling as he plays with a rope, or music I would normally like, can be like sandpaper against my ear drums. I start feeling like I want to scream.
Just as I write I start to feel better slightly. I think getting the thoughts out are the biggest way to help. Asking questions can help because I start to answer them and I can rationalize things better. "They" say you never stop being bipolar, you just learn to cope with it. If that's all I can do, then I'm going to be damn good at it! Until next time...love ya!
Oh hey I'm so excited I made a new song called F A C E !
If you've been following my blog you know I wrote it about a week ago, and now it's been recorded! We are continuing working on the album and I'm very happy so far with how it's going!
F A C E is kind of a glimpse inside a younger me. In tenth grade I made a switch in my mind. I was tired of people talking down to me, picking on me, and attempting to break me. Truth was I had a lot of strength and I ignored them because I was afraid to get in trouble, not afraid to get beat up. In the summer after ninth grade I met some of the best ladies I ever knew. We are still best friends! They taught me to love and value myself again. When tenth grade rolled around I no longer let people treat me that way. I stood up for myself. I never even actually had to fight them, because as soon as they saw the fury in my eyes they always backed down and apologized. Life is crazy like that. Anyway this song was written about how I felt when I wanted to boil over. I didn't but you never know when someone could. So make sure you always treat everyone well! Mufu shoooooo