I've been listening to this song on repeat for a few days now. "I Can't Believe What I Did For Love" David Guetta and Emili Sande have made the perfect song to get me dancing and thinking at the same time. I've been in my insecurities on and off this past couple of weeks. I'm not sure why they happen, what triggers me. Sometimes I'm thrown into my past thinking process without even realizing it until I've spiraled into a dark place. In these moments it's extra difficult being in a relationship and projecting those issues on to him.
This song has made me take a beat and look at my past, my old relationship is not this one. It's easy to see that, but I forgot so many of the small terrible things about that destruction. I only recall the final blow up. If I looked at that past experience as a whole, I was unhappy, and I didn't do anything about it. What I did for love was give up the majority of myself to be what someone else wanted. That's not where I am now. That's not what's expected of me. All my current boyfriend wants is for me to be happy, and true to myself. We both grow together in our goals and shared interests. I have to stop treating him as though he's making the mistakes I couldn't see in my past relationship. I have to stop seeing imaginary lines connecting inventive dots. I'm still working on me. Please don't assume because life is looking up and things are great that I'm not still fighting my own battles. No one's perfect! You're the shit, fuck what they say!
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