House Hunting

             The world seems filled with possibilities doesn't it?

Lately I'm trying to be more of a positive force, a leader, and a role model...as well as being myself, insane, and hilarious, it's an interesting journey to say the least.
Oh of course I will not say the least, I would never do that. I always say the most!
       Today my boyfriend and I went house hunting. We are still going to rent for a few more years since we are building our credit, paying off student loans, and getting better at this whole "adulting" thing. It's sad to realize I am now 32,  and have yet to figure this all out. I cried when I turned 30, because I felt I was lost, not up to par, not society's version of grown up. Maybe if I hadn't of realized all of that I could've been happier. These days I can say that I am.
        I stopped allowing myself to work somewhere that I wasn't progressing and I was able to be picky when I looked for something else, because I was in a secure position with another company. Everyone wants what they can't have. 
         I started doing things that made me feel content regardless of what other people thought of me. I've always been good at being silly despite the onlookers, but my serious side was always more difficult to show. Constantly a fear of rejection hung in the shadows. 
        I decided to bless strangers. I know this sounds silly but sometimes I would feel compelled to buy a strangers food behind me in the drive thru, or give all my change (all the leftover money, not actually change) to the employee at the window and tell them to have a blessed day. I was starting to feel the need to help people, and then I was constantly doing better financially. I think I started to realize the importance of my money. What it could do, so much better than buying things, it could show compassion. I didn't find myself buying so many things I didn't need for myself, and therefore didn't feel so stretched thin. SO,

          maybe it was the combination of working 45 or so hours a week, paying my rent on time every month, and coming home right after work to read that maintenance would randomly be coming up in my shit whenever they wanted in the next month to do repairs that just made me want to move out of this baby mama drama, dumpster overflowing, overcrowded, asylum of apartments! I'm being over dramatic slightly, but not really.... I see the cops in the complex every other day AT LEAST! I don't talk to anyone out here really and I don't care about their lives but I'm pretty sure I've seen one of two of their vaginas when I was just minding my own business on a summer day! I just decided, as my brain reacted as though I'd heard a branch snap in a dark forest, that I was done. I read the note aloud and my boyfriend came around the corner, his eyes assured me, he was in agreement with my decision. We instantly began the search for our new apartment! It might've been the voice I used when I read the letter, but let's not play the blame game here.
         Today, I thought I was going to murder that man! It's hard when you love someone and you are different in the way you think about things. It's great because if we both thought in the same way our house would be sinking but it'd have really cute curtains. He's logical about this house hunting stuff, and he's knowledgeable about things I don't notice like foundation gaps, or re-painted areas where there was water damage, or structural crap I'd never know about. I look at a house and I open the closets, the cabinets, I look at the size of rooms,the location, the back yard and I dream about my entire life there. I literally went to a house saw it, realized it was walking distance to the beach, a small cute bar that we went to once and played pool, a basement I could turn into the coolest art studio, an extra bedroom for the kids we babysit, hardwood floors, and a cute front porch....I started dreaming of my next two years of fun, backyard bbq's, art magnificence, and strolls to the  beach to read a book on the shore. I am all excited and then we get in the car and he's telling me about a sump pump and that the basement had some previous water leakage or something that I obviously didn't notice and I'm humpfy pumfy I know those aren't words but you haven't seen me get that way and it's exactly how to explain it. I was sad cus my new fake dream life wasn't going to happen. SO then we go to see this cheaper  "two" bedroom trailer, and the lady tells me about the BIGGER place and I go check it out and this shit....I'm barely getting my king size bed in the "master" bedroom. This is not going to work, at first we leave like well it is cheap, and theres three bedrooms, but then we realize yeah but the bedrooms are still not compensating for the actual space we have in every room here now and whats really going to be better about a trailer park than the apartment we have? So we left all defeated like and I got a burger at the local burger bar, he got the chicken but the food didn't make us happy... lol.  I did see the famous, Kenny Chesney. I'll include a pic so you can see. Then we went home and the original house we wanted to see that first said there would be no viewings till Saturday called us and we set up an appointment to see them later. So I took a nap to get some of the bitchitude to leave my system, and I think it might've worked. We get to this house, and we are in love. All of a sudden we want one of these houses, and I can tell he really does, and the maintenance man was there and you can tell they keep up with the houses and I just want this house. Yes, it is going to cost more money, and really deep down I wish I was buying it and not renting it but maybe one day, you never know. Or maybe that's not the big plan, maybe life will change. All I know is right now I want to live in this house and we have just faxed our application, so keep your fingers crossed. Adulting can be difficult and you need a win every once in a while. 
   It was nice to write all that, honestly I had no idea where I was going with it. 
I had a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday about how I didn't know what to write in my blog, and he was like, "how about all this pointless stuff you were just saying?" he is such a punk ass. We do have fun though and we work on shit together and push each other to do better and I really am grateful for that. :)
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