her past

        She was conflicted. Deep down she never quite understood why life had taken so many turns and twists in the plot. She wondered often why she had to be the main character of a drama, so she did everything she could to become a comedy instead. It was hard for her, because most of her pain was not allowed to be spoken of. The secrets made everything more difficult. She had always been the honest type, but now she pretended and that was not her style. The depression and stress had begun to form an ulcer. She would feel as if her stomach was a burning pit of acid.

          It wasn't enough that he would hit her, and mock her, and make her feel useless. It wasn't enough for him to just be that, he knew how to manipulate and make them feel like burdens to their mother one day, and the perfect family the next. The secrets she could never know, so he was quick to teach them how to behave. He would remember, he always remembered. She would hope sometimes that he would be drunk so he would be happy and when people were around she was safe. As soon as everyone left, that's when he was a different man. 
            Many of the things in her past have been long forgotten. Remembering brings forth hatred, and she finds herself to be more of a peaceful person. She did see him once as an adult and threaten to kick his ass. God, that felt good. 
            Standing up to what you once were most afraid of in the world....that's badass. 

Maybe I want to do something different, I just don't know how. I want to help kids who have been abused. I want to go all vigilante and kick their abusers asses but that wouldn't really help lol. Once my mom did find out about the situation we began counseling (I hated it). We had to deal with a lot of new changes, and life was hard, but I was happy he no longer could hurt us. I don't really talk about this past of mine. This was only one of a million things I could talk about because my life wasn't the ideal situation per say, but I did try to make the most of it. I never wanted to be this "real" with the world. I guess I always did want to be the comedy because I was more comfortable with being crazy on purpose. Truth is, it's harder to share this. It's hard to be a "victim". It doesn't make you feel strong, it makes you feel weak and that sucks. You should feel empowered though, because once you're no longer a victim, you're a survivor. 


​There are places out there to help you if you are a victim. Please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to!