being social

take a deep breath,
as the hours tick down,
and the fear creeps in,
I don't want to go out.
I love and I hate it,
talking to friends,
I either keep to my self,
or the words never end,
I'm socially awkward,
or awkwardly social,
but now I sit at home,
where I don't have to be vocal,
where I can de-stress,
this place that I live,
why should I leave?
I'll just stay home doing this.
I sigh, because I know,
the depression will ensue,
all because I couldn't force myself,
to go out with all of you,
my friends who I care about,
the people I know best,
just please understand when I make it,
it's because I was at my best.
This is my best self,
because sometimes I can't face the day,
I stay at home those moments,
because I'm not quite okay,
Today I'm feeling pretty good,
but at any moment that can switch,
see you tonight, I think I might,
hope I'm not a cunty bitch.